A Suicidal, Drug Addict, Became a Pastor

I recently told my story at Celebrate Recovery at our church.  Leading up to me sharing my story and since then I’ve just seen how powerful and important it is to talk about your victories in Christ.  People don’t need pastors to stand in pulpits and claim perfection.  They need to know they can relate, they need to know how you missed it and how God turned it around for His good and glory. 

I love hearing the beginning stories from successful pastors and Christians.  Most of them you would be shocked with what they went through before they were saved.  It’s always encouraging to see where they are now and hear where they use to be.  So, below is my story.  I write this so you’ll believe that if God did this for me He can do it for you.  I write this so you’ll see that Rom. 8:28 is true.  God turns around bad things for good.

I grew up in a Christian home, but as far back as I can remember I wasn’t a Christian.  Of course I prayed to accept Christ multiple times, but for whatever reason I wasn’t willing to surrender my life to God.  I would feel bad in a service and cry, but I never repented.  I never allowed God to change the way I thought, so that He could then help me change the way I acted.

The first time I attempted to commit suicide I was in 5th or 6th grade.  I overdosed on pills and ended up throwing up for three days straight.  Even at that young of an age, I was depressed and had a horrible self image.  I remember writing suicide notes to my parents and making a list of people I wanted them to invite to my funeral. 

The second time I tried killing myself I was in 8th grade.  I overdosed on pills again, taking more this time, but the same thing happened.  I threw up for three days.  I tried overdosing on pills another time, but nothing really happened.  Around this same time I remembered getting my dad’s shotgun and loading it, then sticking it in my mouth; I didn’t pull the trigger though, I was too scared.  

I was also really sexually perverted and confused.  I tried just about whatever with whomever.  I started doing drugs the summer after 8th grade.  It started with just smoking marijuana and drinking.  Over the next few years I would party on the weekends and go to church on Sunday, the whole time depressed and crying out for help. 

The thing about me though in high school is that you would never know I was depressed.  I was popular, good at sports, and had girlfriends all the time.  But, inwardly I hated myself and what I was becoming.  My senior year in high school my parents ended up making me go to a counselor.  After my two months of meeting with this guy I had decided to get saved so I threw away all my drugs.  But, after trying out Jesus for about two months I gave up on it all. 

I remember walking on the football field one day and looking up to heaven and telling God I had tried it His way and nothing changed.  I was still depressed.  So I told Him I was going to do things my way and that I didn’t need Him anymore.  It was then that things took a turn for the worse.  Within a few weeks of turning my back completely on God, I ended up in a relationship.  Within a few weeks into this relationship I lost my virginity and quickly went from just smoking weed and drinking to doing all kinds of drugs.  I’ve tried: acid, ecstasy, shrooms, opium, various pain pills, and cocaine.  I have an addictive personality, so it didn’t take long for me to end up spending $100’s on drugs every week.  I stole money from anyone and everyone to party on the weekends.  It got to the point that I was smoking weed everyday and doing whatever drugs I could find on the weekends.

In March of 2001 I was at a party and stoned.  My friends and I ended up boxing that night and I probably ended up with a concussion.  So, I called my girlfriend who I was fighting with that night and told her to meet me in the 7-11 parking lot.  She met me there and we got in a huge fight.  After the fight I drove off, got my car up to about 35 mph, never touched my brakes, and slammed into a concrete cylinder light-pole.  I didn’t really black out from hitting the windshield. 

I jumped out of the car screaming and then quickly laid down.  I was lying on the ground for what seemed like forever and there was a puddle of blood the size of my body that I was laying in.  I ended up with over 100 stitches from the bottom of my nose to my forehead.  I almost bled to death that night as my girlfriend watched.  This was the last time I tried committing suicide. 

Now you would think after a near death experience like that, that I would have gotten saved.  But, the exact opposite happened.  I ended up doing drugs more.  My depression continued and I was completely and totally lost.  I had no purpose in life other than partying.  After graduating high school most of my friends moved away to college.  My family also moved about 30 minutes from where we had been staying and I went to community college.  The parties continued and I continued stealing money from my parents and my job.  It was in October of 2002 that the best thing of my life happened. 

I finally and completely gave Jesus my life.  My mother had started attending these prayer meetings with some ladies she knew.  They started praying for me and one day one of the ladies prophesied over my mother.  The lady told my mom that she had a son who was called to ministry and that his girlfriend would break up with him.  They had recorded what this lady said to my mom. 

A few days after this lady told my mom all this cool stuff about her son, I told her that my girlfriend had broken up with me.  Immediately my mom got the recording of what the woman from the prayer meeting said and she let me listen to it.  After listening to the tape, I looked at my mom and said, “Well I guess I should get saved, huh?”  It was then right there in the kitchen of my parent’s home that I surrendered to God and got saved.  Nothing really dramatic happened I simply gave up, I stopped running. 

I knew then that Rom. 8:28 was a life verse for me.  That God will turn bad things around for good if you love Him.  This was my life.  It was a mess, but God was going to use it for His glory and for His purposes.  So I ask you what you’re story?  No matter what you're going through and no matter where you're at, God can turn it all around.  All you have to do is surrender to Him!