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Health & Fitness

Kurt K. Heins Announces Candidacy for Waukesha County Clerk Election in 2012

After months of anticipation and uncertainty throughout Waukesha County, Menomonee Falls native Kurt K. Heins has officially kicked off his campaign to become the next Waukesha County Clerk.

It’s official - he’s in!

In a very surprising new development from out of Waukesha County, Menomonee Falls native Kurt K. Heins has officially kicked off his campaign to become the next Waukesha County Clerk, intending to replace incumbent Kathy Nickolaus.

Heins generated considerable buzz when earlier this month a new Facebook page with the title of “Kurt Heins For Waukesha County Clerk” was leaked. The profile picture was that of a professionally designed campaign graphic, suspected to be a preliminary yard sign design, which had many questioning what the future held for the promising and up-and-coming Kurt Heins.

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He swiftly put doubts of his authenticity to rest today by confirming his intent to seek the office by broadcasting a televised campaign commercial, which can be found at the also new Youtube page for his campaign, ‘Kurt4Klerk.’

The commercial boasted appearances by Wisconsin heavyweights such as the well-liked David Gruber, magnate J.J. Giuffre, and former Menomonee Falls Village President Joe Greco, who was quoted as saying “…I’m voting for Kurt, because he’s not a crook!” before smiling broadly. It also featured Kurt’s apparent mentor, Dr. Gary Kiltz, current principal of Menomonee Falls High School.

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Immediately after this recent announcement, as his support steadily climbs, political newcomer Kurt Heins has suddenly emerged as the clear frontrunner in the hotly contested race, and the first viable confirmed candidate against Kathy Nickolaus, Some have gone so far as to say this election may or may not already be decided and expect it to pan out heavily in Heins’ favor.  As it is too early in the race to accurately gauge voter opinions, it is widely speculated by readers of the Associated Press that the support of Kurt Heins could potentially top 59%, easily putting him ahead Kathy Nickolaus and in the top tier of candidates for the office. Needless to say, in the wake of massive backlash, Nickolaus’s chances of reelection are looking more and more grim.

Curiously enough, however, Kurt Heins is running as a self-proclaimed Republican and Tea-party Activist, which puts him at odds with Kathy Nickolaus within his own party and leaves the door open for members of the other parties to seek the office. It is a peculiar campaign tactic that is expected to split the Wisconsin Republicans in two distinct factions and be decided at a primary, assuming Heins succeeds in gathering enough signatures and ends up on the ballot. Regardless, Heins maintains that he is the more conservative candidate, recently going on record as saying, via email, such things as “We need to remove these Lib whiners from office,” “Occupy Wall Street should become put people on Wall Street in jail!” and he even lashed out at Nickolaus by calling her “the Dukakis to my Bush.”

As Conservative Wisconsinites of prominence such as , , , , , , the , , , and even potentially make their endorsements known, the make or break nature of this election will be underscored. Kurt Heins also seems to share a slogan popularized by Walker, simply “Fighter,” which was the title of a campaign video during the 2010 cycle in which Walker, adorned with boxing gloves, described his tendency of fighting in an attack ad against Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett. With this known, it’s hardly a mystery who Walker will support.

His intentions and preliminary paperwork have been legally submitted however, legitimatizing his intentions and confirming his viability. He is even depicted within his campaign video signing the campaign registration statement, which would mean that the next step is to gather the needed signatures and sign off on his statement in front of a legal representative.

Menomonee Falls Patch reached out to his newly minted finance Chairman, J.J. Giuffre, who replied via email that “Kurt Heins is the one. Kurt Heins will be our next Waukesha County Clerk. Now that we’ve pulled the trigger, we are currently awaiting positive confirmation of his candidacy and permission to gather signatures from Kathy Nickolaus herself, as the County Clerk has authority over candidacy declarations. No surprise she hasn’t gotten back to our camp yet. Nervously toying with democracy again, I see. She’s running scared. Kurt For Klerk!”

Heins’ opponent Kathy Nickolaus generated much distrust and anger over her and , and is widely expected to lose reelection amidst controversy and calls to resign from both sides of the aisle that have gone ignored. Waukesha County has patiently waited for a candidate to officially step up to the plate, and Kurt Heins has finally answered their calls.

This is an election to keep our eyes on, as it will only ramp up more and more as the voting day approaches. Needless to say, as he swiftly gains prominence and is thrust into the national spotlight, Kurt Heins is going to run a unique campaign, dubbed “an old fashioned Gramma’s stash” by Giuffre. This infers that Kurt Heins will be doing no official fundraising. This is a peculiar move, but in the age of financial insecurity, undisclosed donors and special interests, this may work to his advantage. An insider who requested anonymity also announced he has plans for a local park tour, titled “WauKurtSha,” in which he plans to tout his mission and talk face to face with the voters, displaying unprecedented dedication to this usually uncontested elected position.

He also promises much of substance in his first official press release requesting public endorsements, found on his Facebook page. Certain passages include:

It’s official, the papers have been filed, and he’s in! Kurt K. Heins is really in. Demonstrating pure and unadulterated ardor and strenuous rigor that is unprecedented, Kurt K. Heins will work from behind closed doors to avoid the influence of outside sources, a habit habitually perpetuated by his future predecessor, one Kathy Nickolaus. Above all, Kurt strives to restore the sanctity of the office of Waukesha County Clerk once and for all. In the aftermath of the embarrassing failure of Kathy Nickolaus to conduct herself adeptly and to live a life worth living, we have decided once and for all that it’s time to dismantle the status quo and take back Waukesha County from the special interests. Kurt Heins advocates abolishment of inclusions of pork-barrel and runaway spending procedure cuts of deficit reduction measures and preordainments of the status-quo.

Kurt K. Heins promises changes. In his own words, “I will struggle to perpetuate the standard of conduct that officials have been known for since the invent of our United State’s Constitution. I am running for office with three people in my mind; in my heart. They are as follows.

  • My Mother
  • Jesus Christ, our holy father
  • And all of America and the American Bald Eagles that watch over it with a stern eye.

Please, do America and Waukesha County a favor by publicly coming out in support of Kurt. K. Heins. The election is a mere glimmer in the distance, but we are going to need all the help we can get if we intend to overthrow the corrupt Kathy Nickolaus, a woman with corporate America in her pocket and a proclivity for spending sprees in ethnic restaurants. Please, FRIEND WHO LIVES IN WISCONSIN/WAUKESHA COUNTY, may I have your hand in this effort? Remember one thing above all as we enter this New Year…KURT FOR KOUNTY KLERK.

The positions of Heins and more details of his campaign are sparse currently but this will undoubtedly be remedied by a more in depth profile in the near future. Will Kurt Heins and his historic campaign resonate with the Wisconsin voters? Tell us your opinion in the comments.

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